Out of the blue and into the black
You pay for this, they give you that
Once you're gone, you can't come back....
When you're out of the blue
And into the black.

...

It's better to burn out than to fade away....

Having a glue morning.  Woke up to Mr. Grouchy Pants.  Turns out I didn't cuddle with him enough last night, let alone the past 30 days and if I can't handle the truth then don't ask.  Excuse me?  Who shit on your cornflakes?  Oh and my bad, I guess I haven't touched you in 30 days.  Mhhmmm, right.  Just because he woke up this morning and I had Baxter laying in the pit of my arm.  Excuse me for babying him a little bit because I don't want one of us to smoke him or end up nudging him in bed and causing his back to bleed from the stitches.  Honestly man, don't talk to me like that.  I friggin LOATHE starting out a day like that, it's like it sets the tone for the day.  ARGH  Thanks.

Tonight I have one of my counselling appointments, which is appropriate and fitting given the morning.  I don't even feel like going but I know it'll be good for me.

Speaking of Baxter above, he had surgery on Monday afternoon and we picked him up just before 7 after we had a quick dinner with my mom.  Poor little guy has about 5 or 6 stitches and he started bleeding again because he got all excited when he saw us.  So I've put a tshirt on him so that he doesn't get curious and try to crank his neck, that or his curious and doting brother, Charlie doesn't get at it.  He's been uber sucky ever since, which is really cute since he really likes his space even though he is an affectionate and sweet dog.  I just don't think he knows what to do with himself at the moment.

Long weekend is coming up which is awesome.  Jeff and I plan on doing some diving, likely both Saturday and Sunday.  Have no idea where but we'll figure it out I guess.

I know Jeff doesn't read this but I want to say this:

Sometimes I don't know where you come up with some of the shit that comes out of your mouth but if you haven't noticed, my world revolves around you - you're my best friend in the entire world, I have fun with you, you make me laugh, smile, blush.  You are simply my everything and I do not know where I'd be without you today or where I'd be without you at all......I love you more than there are words and you make me so incredibly happy.  These past 9.5 years have been a dream and I've truly enjoyed every last bit of it.  I just don't like when you're in a mood like today.  Blah, you suck.

Alright, end rant.

I think that's all I'll post for now.  If I don't post before, Have a great weekend blogworld.

xox

So Jeff and I had a good chat/meltdown last week.  We both got some much needed things off our chest, which was a good thing.  All in all, productive discussion.  I really, really need to work on myself though.  I'm very down on myself, and in turn, I take it out on Jeff, which is wrong and misdirected.  So I disabled Facebook because I didn't want the distraction. I just want some peace and quiet to reflect on myself and perhaps start to think of things differently and myself.  That itself could change my whole outlook on life.  So I'm trying to make a valiant effort, I really am.  I just didn't realise how much it affected Jeff, even me coming home every day bitter.  I didn't think I did, but I do and that's a HUGE eye opener.  I think things have just been adding up and I've become resentful when I should just take it as it is and accept it and overcome it.  I should question myself, "Is it really worth getting upset/pissed off/irked about?", and more than likely the answer will be "no."  So I just need some inner reflection.  I like to think of myself as a caring, nice person but lately the bitterness has overshadowed that.

Our weekend wasn't too bad.  Saw Jay, his kids and Jeff's parents yesterday afternoon/evening.  They're off to Florida in a couple of days and won't be back until early June. 

This coming weekend I'd like to get the car all washed and nice, take the kids to the dog park and maybe go on a hike.  Jeff's going to be busy the next few weeks shooting a video for a friend's band, too.

That's about all I have time for.  Peace :)