Feeling really fucking lonely today.  Just altogether sad lately.........  I think what I need is a damn good cry.

Elisa - Dancing

One of my favourite song that is just simply beautiful.

Time is gonna take my mind

and carry it far away where I can fly

The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you

If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears

'cause it's all about love and I know better

How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you

And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you

And you see that I can't stop shaking


No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes

'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath

Oh could burst it if it were a bubble

And I'd better dream if I have to struggle


So I put my arms around you around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

And I hope that you won't hurt me


I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you

No need for anything but music

Music's the reason why I know time still exists

Time still exists

Time still exists

Time still exists


So I just put my arms around you around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

And I hope that you won't hurt me

my arms around you they're around you

And I hope that I will do no wrong

My eyes are on you they're on you

they're on you

My eyes

I'm so frustrated lately.  I slept like shit last night.  Both dogs aren't well.  Charlie's eyes are bothering him at the moment and Baxter has basically licked his right back foot to the point where there's a sore now and it's weeping.  He's actually limping and not walking on the leg now.  So epsom salt soaks is what I've been doing, the cone and that makes for a very unhappy boy.  Sleeping last night was virtually non existent.  Whether it was Baxter and not finding a comfortable spot, or Jeff reefing on the blankets, tossing and turning or just plain giving me lip because of his perception on things.  Um when you're laying in bed all night observing everything that's going on and what not, do not tell me this happened or I hogged the bed.  Excuse me but I remember crawling into bed with literally a couple of inches room.  That's it.  And I'm hogging the bed.  Things are just stressful lately.  I feel like Jeff and I are disconnected these days.  I try and try and do pretty much everything but I'm constantly given a hard time, joking or not, and it's like what the fuck more can I do to make YOUR existence happier?  And talking to him - forget it.  Most of the time I talk to him he's in the middle of something (naturally) and it'll go in one ear and out the other.  So nothing gets discussed or resolved, just tension builds.

And I think I'm becomming more and more aware of the fact that I'll never have a child, based on some of the nasty comments that have been made recently.  Just because I'm ennamored with someone's belly or asking questions doesn't mean I'm going to go out and get myself purposely pregnant, you know?  And furthermore, that's a bit insulting no?  I think I'll just chalk it up to never being fucking good enough.  I'll never be responsible enough, or smart enough or intuitive enough... Hell I'm not even mom material anyways, right, so why should I care?

I guess I care because it hurts my feelings.  Why is it always about other people and never about me? 

Very frustrated today and exhausted isn't even the word.  Fuck I hate this. And I hate starting out a morning, a Monday morning no less squabbling.  Makes for a great day!

Next weekend - possible aerials, Nancy's baby shower although I really don't want to go to that anymore (apparently there's wine being served - who the fuck serves wine at a baby shower?  Oh yeah, that's right, hardcore drinkers=ghetto)... I say this because I don't want to miss a aerials class for that.  So if I have to, I'll show up a bit late.  Then Sunday afternoon we're heading up to Jeff's brother to see the gang and his parents before they head back down to FL.  Exciting shit, let me tell you.

Peace, before I say anything I'll regret.

So our anniversary has come and gone and a nice one it was indeed. We went out for steak that night and then came home afterwards.  Twas a good night.  Jeff liked the 4 leaf clover. :)

So I'm going to get some ink on my wrist tonight!! WOO, I'm excited about that.

Not much exciting going on.  This weekend was pretty uneventful, didn't do much on Saturday, cleaned, errands, etc. Alex came down Saturday afternoon.  Stayed til Sunday. We went to Ikea yesterday and I bought candles and nothing really substantial

Short blog, busy. Bye!

So we finally did our pool training on the weekend for our open water Scuba certification.  Next up, Barbados in less than two months and we'll be doing our open water drills (4 dives, 2 days back to back) and then we'll be good to go.  I do eventually want to get our advanced certification so that we can go deeper.  See, with the basic open water, your maximum depth is 60ft.  Advanced extends that to 100ft.  And then beyond that is the deep water and much, much more training.  Had a great time in the pool all weekend even if I was somewhat cold, yes while wearing my short wetsuit.  I've determined that there isn't a hope in hell of me being warm. Ever.  LOL.  I sucked it up and before we knew it, the weekend was over.  Wasn't much of a weekend really for us but it was still a good one. 

This Thursday is our 9 year anniversary, obviously not our wedding anniversary.  I think I'm going to suggest to Jeff we go out for dinner somewhere nice. 

Not much to write today but that should suffice :)

Alright, I've lost interest with this 30 day thing. LOL.  I just don't update this every day, I think that's the problem.....

Last night, after work, I headed up to the Rosedale Statiojn to meet my mom to see Oliver at the Veternarian Emergency Clinic.  Man, was he ever happy to see us.  He was sleeping when we got there, legs in the air like a piggy, and then he flipped over, got up and came over to the (now) opened cage for kisses and started making his usual Oliver noises :)  He might be coming home today, which is fabulous news!

Just about finished my Scuba studying, I've got 2 chapters left to read and one quiz to do then I'm done.  I have to call Jack and confirm the time but we'll be at his place both Saturday and Sunday pretty much all day....  I'll get to don my new wetsuit.  Which reminds me, I need a new bathing suit and how depressing is that shit. lol.  I'm opaque and it seems everything looks like garbage on me.  I've been loving these aerial silks classes, I've lost some inches on my butt and hips and legs but I have this one spot on my ass that like to hold on to the cellulite.  No getting rid of that non sense for anything I've tried :( Oh well.  I found two suits, basically the same, both Billabong.  One is black and teal, the other is black and purple.  And it costs $95 dollars.  I can't decide if I want it or not but the mere fact that I'm dwindling about it suggests that I do.  That's just what I do when I want something, if I can walk away and still have the urge or want for something, then I have to get it.  If I can walk away and not fuss about it, then I know I've made the right decision.  So, not sure what to do....I have a couple of days left, that's it.

Next weekend, Christina is coming down from Barrie for a visit, which should be nice since it's been a year and a half since Jeff and I saw her last.

Well that's all for now folks, :)  Can't believe Barbados is now 2 months and 2 days away!! :)

So last week was a bit nuts!  Thursday, I guess it was, Mom took Oliver to get more tests at the vet's, to which they said on Friday that he needed to come in for IV because he was quite ill.... So he was there most of the day and then they called to say that he needed to be in a trauma care facility where they could address his issues and do it quickly before it took a turn for the worse.

Jeff drove my mom and Oliver downtown and he's been at Vet Emergency Clinic at 920 Yonge since Friday.  Diagnosis is Diabetic Ketoacidosis, which is when your pancreas isn't producing enough insulin, as a result it starts producing the toxic bodies called ketones, essentially filling him with poison, trying to kill red blood cells and attempting to damage his other organs.  He was a very, very sick little man.  I went up after work and met them both and then kissed Oliver goodbye so they could start figuring out what was wrong with him.  This place gets answers so quickly it's amazing!  So Saturday comes along, I drove down to Oakville to see Bernadette, and her dogs, as I haven't seen her in a bit and she got a new job in Oakville so there's no reasonable prospects of seeing her downtown anymore for a smoke or whatever on a break.  It was spring weather, rainy, hydroplaning type weather....Got there, said hellos and got to meet the newest Daschund, Moxie.  Everyone was happy, had a nice coffee and chat with her and then 2 hours later, I was off back home to pick up Jeff and Mom and head down to the city to see Oliver again.  Only that didn't work out, Jeff got a call from his brother for help with something, Mom wouldn't let me drive their car because something to do with the struts needing to be fixed.. *rolls eyes*, we decided forget it, we'll just get an update later on as to how he's doing.  So I took a slight detour home, went a bit further north on the 427 than I wanted to be.  Got home, Jeff basically left right away to head to Barrie and I stayed back and cleaned and cooked dinner. 

Saturday, Oliver apparently ate a bit and he was wagging his tail and totally loving everyone that gave him any attention. 

Sunday morning, got up and got ready for the day.  Called downtown to see if we could visit and we could, but a brief one.  So we drove over to get Mom, drove down and spent all of 5 minutes with him but it was the best 5 minutes with him we've had in a long, long time.  He was laying down and as soon as he heard our voices, he jumped up on all 4's and started wagging his tail like a maniac and he was carrying on like his usual vocal self that he is.  We hadn't seen that in so long from him, so for us that was encouraging to see.  We all were nearly in tears of joy.  So slowly, he's getting better.  When we left, he was all excited and happily barking because we think he wanted to come home.  lol  The end of Sunday night, the IV flushing has gotten rid of most or if not all ketones, he had a blood transfusion that went smashingly, that brought his red blood cell count and he was starting to eat a bit more too.  So today he's being moved from the ICU to critical care and I think they want to do an MRI to see if there's anything going on in the brain bc of the 3 seizures in a month... so we'll see how that shapes up.

Yesterday, after the city, I went to my advanced aerial class and wow - just wow.  There was myself, Alex and another woman and it was nice to have the one on one, not like the other class.  Plus, we were able to work on things that most people wouldn't even fathom doing as a beginner.  My arms, chest and hips hurt today.  It was awesome though, I did both left and right AND middle splits in the silks, I haven't done middle splits in decades people!!  lol

After that, did the usual errands, groceries, went and got dog food and went over all their treats with a guy there to see if he notices anything problematic vis a vis allergies.  (Charlie is still sporting the cone to help his scratching, but he's been good so we've been letting him have it off for a bit each day.)  Yesterday, brought bones home and let Charlie snack on that, without cone and I later put them up on the entertainment unit last night to save for later because I didn't think it was fair Baxter snacking on one when I had put Charlie's cone back on.  So, they've both been staring up at the Ent unit since then.  LOL

Let's see.  Scuba class/pool training is this weekend! AHHHH!  Which reminds me, I need to buy a dive computer.  Both Saturday and Sunday will be about 9 to 4 or so in Queensville with Jack.  So I'm just trying to finish up my studying and tests and then I'll be good to go. 

Day 22 — A favorite joke - I can never remember jokes.  I'm that chick that forgets how jokes go and then end up ruining the entire joke.  Not cool.


Day 23 — A video - Umm don't have one on this pc.

Day 24 — A travel story
Hmmm, which travels should I discuss.  I really, really miss the time we had in Europe last summer, it was such a great experience, seeing new and old things with Jeff on his first trip overseas.  Can't wait for many more. :)

Day 25 — A favorite photo - what's with all these photo requests!?  lol No, nothing at the moment.

Jeff and I have been sick.  All week.  We've been around entirely too many sick folks with varying degrees of illness and the type.  All last week I felt like garbage, very much not myself.  I really knew it on Saturday when I was at my aerial class.  I was sweating buckets and not as strong as I usually feel.  I left feeling amazing but I knew the whole not feeling well feeling was in part because I was a dumb ass and forgot to eat before I went there, I had just consumed 2 cups of coffee that morning, nothing else.  D'oh!

Friday night went to the Sound Academy to see KO.  Woo! Got there just after 10 or so and he came on around 11.  I don't even remember what time we got home, we did go on a downtown whore tour. Now let me explain - we have hookers in downtown Toronto, some in scuzzy areas, others not so much.  Anyways, we haven't done that in awhile so we did and saw a few sketch cases, and then the usual ones that were dressed in thigh high boots with fur coats.  Hot, I tell you. LMAO. Not.

So Saturday I did my aerials class and then after that, I think we had a fairly quiet night.  I don't even remember what we did on Sunday.  Was sick up until yesterday....Blah. 

So having said that, I missed out on some posts....and they are:

Day 16 — A favorite food
For me, hmmm, I love greek food and italian.  But I'm too picky to have a favorite dish.  Scratch that.  If I go to a familiar restaurant, dollars to donuts, I'll get a club sandwich, nachos, fish and chips or chicken fingers. LMAO. Such a kid sometimes.


Day 17 — A photo of my family
Ummmm, not at the moment.  Would rather not post a pic of my family.

Day 18 — A baby photo
None scanned. Sorry.

Day 19 — A fun memory
I live life with zero regrets.  You learn from your experiences, not your mistakes and I think everything in my life, despite maybe at the time being not so great, it has shaped me to who I am today.  The one memory I wish I had was more of me and my dad before he died.....

Day 20 — A hobby of mine
Traveling, reading, scrapbooking, cleaning/organizing things (I know, totally weird eh)

Day 21 — A favorite recipe
I would have to say this is Jeff's mom's recipe she gave me.  Spaghetti squash and butter nut squash.  Cut in half.  Bake until soft.  Scoop out the squash and put in side bowl.  Meanwhile, cook ground beef or something similar, add onions and garlic, and then once cooked, add tomato paste.  Cook some rice and put that all together, stuffing the squash with that and some squash you've already scooped out.  It's delish!! :)  Thanks Mono!

xoxox