Saturday, November 3, 2012

Rough week

Ive been quiet for a few days because I've been trying to come to terms with the death of a friend of mine.... We didn't know eachother for a long time but I felt like we didn't have to, we felt like we had known eachother for years. She dropped her walls when I was around and that was something she was afraid to for anyone else; she was like me. Scared, ashamed, depressed, scared to live, scared to die, sick of being sad and feeling like you're in this deep, dark hole and you can't get out of it no matter how hard you try or think you're trying. Depression is a hell of a disease in that it sucks every last piece of self worth and positivity out of you and it just takes over like the plague. I feel like no one understands. She understood. We cried together because we knew we weren't alone, even If we felt it. This girl was such a bright light and soul and it was so sad seeing her in the depths of depression and self destruction. I wanted to save her. I was an inspiration to her in trying to get better. That life does and can get better... Always great with the advice but never taking my own. When I heard he words uttered on Thursday morning immediately I thought she killed herself. Tragically she was going to see her mother that was a huge cause of her depression and she hit a school bus and died instantly. It was like some sick joke. She was gone. And I thank heavens above that she did bc it saddens me to think she lay there bleeding out and dying, alone..... Poor Carissa. I miss her like crazy. I'll never get to see that smile again..... Twenty years old and gone just like that. I messaged her the night she died saying that I missed her and needed her bc I wasn't Doing well... Unbeknownst to me she was already gone at that point.

Heaven had another angel that joined hem this week. May she never ever hurt again and thrive in heaven above. I'll miss her but I'm so grateful I had he privilege of knowing her, however short it was. She was something amazing.

Rest in peace beautiful...

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