What started off as a nice weekend ended in disaster.. Many, many hurtful things have been thrown out there, many of them which can't be taken back or forgotten.  I don't know which was is up or down right now but I'm barely treading above water.. I don't know how we ever got to this place..We both have now said that getting married was probably the stupidest idea... He wanted to make my mom happy with marrying her only child.  For us, it's only been down hill since then.  So many people have said that while I've had so many accomplishments in 2012, I've changed.  I've changed, he's changed, everything has changed.  It's like we're two strangers passing eachother in the night.  I feel completely off the rails and I nearly checked myself into the hospital last night.  I can't take this heart, this pain... This.  This is literally killing me inside.

I've let so many people down, but most of all myself.  I don't know how to fix it anymore.  I'm such a disappointment.

Time will tell, won't it.....

This week's happening's...

Alrighty then, so its Friday! Wooooo!  Which means the weekend is nearly upon us. 

To catch up:

• I don't have cancer, which is great, however it's interesting because during all this gammut, it was never once mentioned to me that that's what they were looking into.  I also don't have endometriosis.  Also great news because that can be a bitch.  So I'm trying out some new medication to see how that goes out, I think my body is just tired of being on the same shit for nearly 14 years.  The specialist prescribed this other pill that has three times more the risk of strokes and blood clots.  Thankfully, the following day I had made an appointment with my doctor and she disagreed with her recommendation and prescribed another altogether, but one that would have the same effects they were looking to try.  Also, I have referrals to get my allergies tested again (to see if I've outgrown some of the horrible allergies I developed a couple years ago to fruits, but also I'd like to see if anything new has come up that explains why my face has flared up).  It's not just simply acne, you have acne usually for your entire life but up until 6 months ago, my face started getting red and bumpy... Totally frustrating.  Could be psoriasis, roseacea or ezcema, who knows.  Having said that, I also have a referral coming to see a dermatologist.
• Mom gets home on Sunday, which means we'll be heading back to home sweet home in the evening after we pick her and my step-dad up.
• Today, myself and a few women from work went for some Thai food at a local resturant to kick of Winterlicious 2013.  Was the best $15 I've spent in a long time.
• Registered and paid for my Yoga Conference hours on the weekend of March 22nd.  I can't wait!!  Marah and I are going to mainly Sean Corne sessions, which I'm super stoked about and excited to see her lovely soul again.  Not too long to look forward to that shiz-nit.
• Hmm what else, this weekend, taking J down to the city to a Burger place that he likes for his 36th birthday (!!) since next week I can't promise anything because it's my petsitting weekend. 

I saw this on another blog and decided to include it because it's a short, quick and easy way for people to get to know you in just a few words.....

age - 29
bed size - Queen
chore you hate - laundry or cleaning the toilet.  F'n disgusting
dogs - yes, 2
essential start to your day - Saying "have a good day" and kiss off to work.
favorite color - any shade of blue
gold or silver - white gold
height - 5 feet 9 inches
instruments you play - I used to play the flute
job title - Legal Assistant/Law Clerk/Court and Tribunal Agent
kids - my dogs are my kids
live - Life to the fullest
married - for FIVE years this June
nicknames - Linds
overnight hospital stays - Tonsils and Adenoids, jaw surgery
pet peeve - gossip, people that lie, people with massive egos that n
righty or lefty - lefty
siblings - None
time you wake up - between 5 am and 5:30 am
university attended - None of your effing bidness.
vegetables you dislike - brussel sprouts
what makes you run late - traffic
x-rays you’ve had - dental related, an MRI on my head when they thought I had a stroke but was a massive migraine
yummy food - anything really, sour candy
zoo animal favorite - Um I don't go to zoos anymore and anyone that knows me knows that and why.

My weekend at a glance... it's now Wednesday, I realise that lol

I feel like it's been ages since I last wrote.... I had a new few days to myself while J went up north to spend some time with his parents, as well as put on this target shooting competition at one of the local gun clubs.  I ended up going to my usual Thursday night yoga sesh with Danielle and her and her mom invited me back to their place to have a drink and chat... Time flew and it was 11 and time to go home and check on the dogs that I had left behind while at my mom's house dog/house sitting.

Friday night I stayed in and watched tv and made dog food for all the dogs.

Saturday I woke up early and went to a Level 2 Hot Yoga class at Yoga Tree, which was awesome.  After having a shower, I went back up to town and dropped in on Carissa's family to see how they were doing.  I ended up spending close to 3 hours with them and it was really something beautiful to be in her room, amongst all the pictures of this beautiful soul that left this planet much, much too earlier.  We've all said that she was far too big for this earth. 

Afterwards, I was drained so I went home and chilled the rest of the evening but not before Dina and Miss Lily came over to see the boys and it was nice hanging out with her for a couple of hours. 

Sunday, I slept in because Charlie woke me up three times in the night, more than likely because it was windy as hell.  First time we woke, it was just windy.  An hour later, it was pouring rain and then the following hour it was snowing and windy as hell, so it was glare ice under it all and I almost slipped and fell in the drive way twice on Sunday morning and broke my neck.  Wouldn't be a surprise, given my being a klutz.  I went down to have lunch with Danielle from work and took the boys with me, which they very much appreciated given that they love Danielle.  She made an awesome lamb shank, mashed potatoes and ice cream for dessert.

Spent a few hours there before heading back home and waiting for Jeff to get back home from up north, to which he didn't get home til about midnight after dropping off his shit and guns at home in the safe.

I'm brutally cold at work so that's all for now. ;)

Stuff

I have the worst headache imaginable. And I'm tired. Is the day over yet?!



Dog park last weekend when it was mild... Notice the two-tone dog lol

Baxter after a bath :)

Just so tuckered out from the park lol

Saw this and had to have it lol

LMAO!

Mom's dog, Quincey

Charlie hanging out on the back of the couch where he always is at my Mom's

Angel :)

Baxter on his 5th birthday!

At the yoga studio, this is Sri.  She's never done this before, crawled into my arms.. Guess she was feeling lonely.

Um sore abs? lol

You aren't worth the powder to blow to hell.

Just when I thought the sociopath psycho ex girlfriend of a friend of ours had finally bitten the bullet and fucked off, I turned out to be DEAD WRONG.  It's been nearly 4 full months of silence.  And then lo and behold, the stupid bitch messaged me on Monday night with some pretty defamatory, harassing shit.  Shit that I don't take lightly.  Shit that you just don't throw around.

Anyways, thinking about it, I think that's all I'm going to say about the matter because it doesn't deserve any more of my time that I already don't have.  People like her are vile pieces of shit and you know what?  Eventually you will meet your maker and get what's yours. 

I'll write tomorrow when I'm not so busy and post some pup pictures from my time at my mom's place.

Namaste!

Mondayyyyyyyyyyyyyy... You always reappear with a vengeance

My weekend.  In short, nice and relaxing despite schlepping nearly a U-Haul over to my mom's while we're there for 2 weeks house/dogsitting. 

I just got back from a lovely hot yoga sesh with Miss Danielle at Yoga Tree. Mmmm was it ever nice :)

Happy Monday, may you all have a wonderful day, whoever all you creepers are that don't identify yourselves. :P xo

Yoga Quotes that I *love*

       

 

”I offer youpeace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear yourneed. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salutethat Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.” ~ Gandhi

      “One becomes firmly established in practice onlyafter attending to it for a long time, without interruption and with anattitude of devotion.” ~ Yoga Sutra I.14

      “Samskara saksat karanat purvajati jnanam.Through sustained focus and meditation on our patterns, habits, andconditioning, we gain knowledge and understanding of our past and how we canchange the patterns that aren’t serving us to live more freely and fully.” ~Yoga Sutra III.18

      “Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be enduredand endure what cannot be cured.” ~ B.K.S. Iyengar

      “Have only love in your heart for others. The moreyou see the good in them, the more you will establish good in yourself…” ~Paramahansa Yogananda

       ”Yoga is theperfect opportunity to be curious about who you are.” ~ Jason Crandell

      ”In thedarkness, I am light.”

      “Yoga takes you into the present moment, the onlyplace where life exists.”

    ”The rhythm ofthe body, the melody of the mind & the harmony of the soul create thesymphony of life.” ~ B.K.S. Iyengar

  “Undisturbed calmness of mind is attained bycultivating friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delightin the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.” ~ Yoga Sutras

 “In stillness all conflict must end.” ~ PhillipUrso

  ”To performevery action artfully is yoga.” ~ Swami Kripalu

 “A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yogainstructor gets people to pose for themselves.” ~ Jay Fields

“Loka Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu. May allbeings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words, and actions ofmy own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom forall.”

 “The most important pieces of equipment you needfor doing yoga are your body and your mind.” ~ Rodney Yee

 

 “When you inhale, you are taking the strength fromGod. When you exhale, it represents the service you are giving to the world.” ~B.K.S. Iyengar

  “When we can remove the masks of our own making,then the one who has been longing to be seen sees itself unbounded, just as itis.”

 “You cannot always control what goes on outside.But you can always control what goes on inside.”

 “The pose begins when you want to leave it.”

“Let your practice be a celebration of life” ~Seido lee deBarros

 “He shining, everything shines through him.” ~Bhagavad Gita

  “Remember, it doesn’t matter how deep into aposture you go – what does matter is who you are when you get there.” ~ MaxStrom

  “Make an attitude to be in gratitude, you will findthe whole Universe will come to you.” ~ Yogi Bhajan

 “You must be the change you wish to see in theworld.” ~ Gandhi

 

 “Breathe through it, and release anything that doesnot serve you.”

 “Submit to a daily practice. Your loyalty to thatis a ring at the door. Keep knocking, and eventually the joy inside will lookout to see who is there.”

“Desire, ask, believe, receive.” ~ Stella TerrillMann

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not bebent out of shape.”

Biopsy

I've been laying low all week, specifically since Tuesday..... See I spent the morning enjoying the time at home with just me and the dogs, cleaning a bit, moving some furniture like I always do and then later on in the afternoon, I was to go for a Doctor's appt with a specialist to have a procedure done.  Well said procedure was painful as all hell.  I had an endometrial biopsy.  I knew what it entailed but I didn't expect it to take nearly twice as long, and them having a hard time getting a sufficient sample.  This resulted in my cramping, legs bucking and in silent tears just waiting for the shit to be over with.  I have a follow up in two weeks to see if anything came up in the tissue sample but who knows. 

Since then, I've been home, laying around with a heating pad and the dogs and Jeff has been spoiling me with yummy goodies and lots of Advil. 

xox

More tomorrow

My weekend

So I've been laying low because I've been a bag of negativity and not so nice. I've been wanting to crawl into a hole and die but alas, I'm still here. Lol God, have things ever been rocky in my life but I remain hopeful and positive and will continue to look forward and embrace the challenges I have to face instead of merely sweeping shit under the rug. I've been hiding a dirty little secret, something that I havent done in years and someone that I'm ashamed of. Whatever, no need to dwell, it's over and I have to look onwards. I am strong because of the things I've faced and I must continue on this journey no matter how hard shit seems some days.