I had a fabulous Friday out with Jeff, we went to the All About Pet Show, saw some awesome dogs (Harlequin Danes, Aussie Sheppards, Duck Tolling Dogs, Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Goldens), some cats, birds and a few reptiles.  Got a few good deals there and I was smiling the entire time I was there.  After that we went downtown, walking around and basically wasting time until our reservation at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.  Holy mother of god this steak was to die for.  Jeff and I split a porterhouse for 2 and broccoli.  Good thing we didn't order a baked potato or anything because that was just right, otherwise we would have had to roll ourselves down the street lol.

Following that, we went to Starbucks and saw Arlene Dickinson and Jim Treliving on John Street, I guess they had just filmed an episode of the Dragon's Den.  We then waited for Bruce and his mom to come down and then off we went to the Jays game.  By far one of the better games we've seen in a long time. 

Saturday I didn't get up to much, good thing I decided to get groceries out of the way because it turns out that nothing was open yesterday!  Way to pay attention Lindsay!

We took Brian out for dinner on Saturday night and it was very nice in deed.  Oliver's been good and I finally heard from Mom by email so she's a bit more at ease knowing that Oliver's okay.

I started picking up sunscreen this morning, for our trip.  SPF 60! lol.  I can't burn the first few days otherwise I'll be a shivering hot mess in the water and that won't be good.

Anyways that's about it for now yo ;)

All I have to say is that I love dealing with tired and grouchy husbands.  Suddenly, that's my fault and I get the brunt of all the grumbling.  NICE!

Just breathe and smile, just breathe and smile.  And remind myself that in 22 days I'll be flying off to paradise for 2 weeks.  :)

Feeling a bit sick this morning. Sore throat.  TGIF!  Jeff's busy most of the weekend shooting a music video for a friend's band.  So it's been quiet at home, just me and the boys.

The other night we took Baxter up to the vet's because I wanted them to look at a bump on his back.  Turns out, it's not what we thought - a fatty deposit, but rather a sabaceous cyst.  So we'll just have to watch it and if necessary, cut into it and remove the nasty-ness inside it.  Thankfully it's on a spot on his back high up enough that he can't get to i.e. no licking.  After that, we went down to markham to pick up my Dive Computer that came into the Scuba shop.  So we're just about set for Barbados.  Have to pick up a few things before we go, namely some sunscreen, perhaps SPF 600 so my white ass doesn't fry in the sun.  LOL  Just wait, people are going to be putting on their shades on the beach for the wrong reasons - not because it's sunny but rather being blinded by my fucking whiteness HAHAHA.

Anyways, I think this is going to be a short post for now, nothing else to say really.  Day 7!!

Day 5.

Holy horrific nightnmare I had last night.  I woke up at about 1:45 a.m. just a mess, in tears, sobbing, hyperventilating, scared out of my wits and my heart pumping out of my chest.  Holy fuck.

I finally got myself up, went out to the living to have a smoke in the hopes of calming myself down.  No such luck.  I didn't want to wake Jeff out of fear that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep but I couldn't calm down so I went into our bedroom, woke him and just fell apart laying on him.  I scared the shit out of the dogs because I've never just been flat out uncontrollably sobbing and unable to breathe.  So he sat up with me for a bit until I could catch my breath and then we went back to bed.

I can't hold out much longer for more sleepless nights like I've had lately, this is absolute torture.

Here's to a better day.

So today is a new day. New start, new beginnings and a new outlook on life.  I'm trying to be less negative and more positive for the sake of my own happiness, sanity and also that of Jeff's.

Today is day 4.  I slept much better last night than I had the previous night.  Well, all weekend really.

I saw Born to be Wild on the weekend and can I just say that I was smiling the entire 40 minutes? I loved every second of it but I especially liked what they showed about the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust.  Man, if I ever had the opportunity and the means, I'd go back to school to become a biologist and then try to get the necessary visa's and what not and move myself, the boys and Jeff to Africa.  This would all be, of course, if we won the lottery.  I'm dying to get my ass over there, the feelings I have for elephants is astounding or distubring, whichever way you look at it LOL.

Yesterday was the one month mark to Barbados.  The lady that was going to take her dogs bailed so my mom is now frantically searching for someone to take them or stay at the house.  All because of my aunt had to make plans smasck dab in the middle of the trip, which seriously puts a rift into the situation.

Weather is getting nicer here, it was actually muggy on the weekend.  Even yesterday it was warm, although when I left work at 4:15 it was windier than all hell.  Ah well.

:)

All I want to do right this second is to cry........And I don't specifically know why.  Just a crappy Friday I suppose.  Shouldn't complain, it's the weekend. 

Going to the Yoga convention next Sunday with Marah and her bf's sister so that should be fun and it gets me out and about.  You know, with people that actually give a shit.

Sometimes I wonder if people say things just to entertain me.  Or not say things because...I don't even know why.

Jeff said to me last week that I'm on facebook and BB messenger too much.  The result, partially my doing, partially bc of his comment = facebook being deactivated.  BB messenger.  Shit the dude doesn't even answer me half the time, sure he'll read them but WTF?  I can't win.

I think I just need to go home, have a drink and get the fuck on to bed.  I've been feeling blue since last week and I've tried, I really have.  But all I want to do right now and is to break down into pieces.

Now I'm going to leave work and finish up the last 50 pages of Matt Logelin's book whilst I cry like a little bitch behind shades.  No, really it's the book.  I was crying on my way home last night reading his book.  Wow, just wow.

Have a good weekend! <3 I hope I do.

So yesterday everything came together for our OW Dive Certs.  Got a dive facility that has agreed to do our referral dives.  Costs a pretty penny doing it this way but frankly I'm not up to braving the cold Ontario water...yet.  I won't dive in lake water without a 7 mm suit on, forget it.  I shiver enough on my own in a 70 degree pool, much less lower than that.  So we're be doing those on the 15th and 16th, which will leave over a week of room to fit another day or two in diving.  Then once we bring the paperwork back with us, hand it off to Jack, we'll get our c-cards shortly thereafter.

I'm pretty stoked about our trip, which is 35 days away now.  We've decided to have one of Jeff and I's friend's come and stay at our place to look after the dogs.  His sister stayed with them while we were in Europe but there were things that were never mentioned to us that happened and I'm a bit ticked off about it still.  She put us in a difficult position and while I appreciate all the help she was and just how much the dogs love her, it really changed my opinion of her.  I don't want to worry this time knowing what I know now, ya know?

On our trip we're planning on doing an island tour, since Jeff has never been there before, the Bajan Queen, out on the catamaran, treetop ziplining, horseback riding on the beach and in the water and much much more.

Tonight, Bruce is coming over for dinner and a visit.  Not much on the schedule this weekend.  Must pick up a dive computer.  I'm sure Jeff and Greg will be putting some things together for next weekend's video shoot.  I would also like to take the kidlets to the dog park and I have to give the car a good scrub down, inside and out.  Sounds so exciting, doesn't it? lol

Anyways, that's it for today. Ciao. <3

So something that must be said - I'm allergic to fresh fruit and veggies, which came to my detriment about 2 years ago when I had a bad incident with Lychee.  So now I am the proud holder of an Epi-pen.  Considering that my diet was about 60% fruits and veggies up until that point, I was very very sad to hear that I could no longer eat that stuff.  Well, I could, it just had to be cooked so that the proteins would fizzle away.  Who the hell wants to eat a warm apple?  Not apple pie, a warm apple.  So anyways, I was starving after the gym yesterday with Marah and she said she had one.  So I bit the bullet, put it in the mic for 30 seconds and I was good to go.  Best. Apple. Ever.  It was nearly orgasmic!  It's been nearly 2 years since I've eaten an apple and that really, truly, made my day.  Lame, I know hahahaha. lol

So Jeff and I had a good chat/meltdown last week.  We both got some much needed things off our chest, which was a good thing.  All in all, productive discussion.  I really, really need to work on myself though.  I'm very down on myself, and in turn, I take it out on Jeff, which is wrong and misdirected.  So I disabled Facebook because I didn't want the distraction. I just want some peace and quiet to reflect on myself and perhaps start to think of things differently and myself.  That itself could change my whole outlook on life.  So I'm trying to make a valiant effort, I really am.  I just didn't realise how much it affected Jeff, even me coming home every day bitter.  I didn't think I did, but I do and that's a HUGE eye opener.  I think things have just been adding up and I've become resentful when I should just take it as it is and accept it and overcome it.  I should question myself, "Is it really worth getting upset/pissed off/irked about?", and more than likely the answer will be "no."  So I just need some inner reflection.  I like to think of myself as a caring, nice person but lately the bitterness has overshadowed that.

Our weekend wasn't too bad.  Saw Jay, his kids and Jeff's parents yesterday afternoon/evening.  They're off to Florida in a couple of days and won't be back until early June. 

This coming weekend I'd like to get the car all washed and nice, take the kids to the dog park and maybe go on a hike.  Jeff's going to be busy the next few weeks shooting a video for a friend's band, too.

That's about all I have time for.  Peace :)

It's Friday. And April Fools. I must be more optimistic and positive, I didn't realise what an ass I've been.  For the longest time too.  Disappointing, yet. But onwards and upwards, right?