Day 5.

Holy horrific nightnmare I had last night.  I woke up at about 1:45 a.m. just a mess, in tears, sobbing, hyperventilating, scared out of my wits and my heart pumping out of my chest.  Holy fuck.

I finally got myself up, went out to the living to have a smoke in the hopes of calming myself down.  No such luck.  I didn't want to wake Jeff out of fear that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep but I couldn't calm down so I went into our bedroom, woke him and just fell apart laying on him.  I scared the shit out of the dogs because I've never just been flat out uncontrollably sobbing and unable to breathe.  So he sat up with me for a bit until I could catch my breath and then we went back to bed.

I can't hold out much longer for more sleepless nights like I've had lately, this is absolute torture.

Here's to a better day.