Friday, November 18, 2011

How would YOU feel if your own mother told you to get a divorce because you're so unhappy and he makes you cry?  I do not want to hear that shit, I'm sorry but I don't care who the hell you are but do not ever tell me to leave the one and only person that I have in my life.  I don't have any real girlfriends that I can spill my guts too and get some advice and or comfort from so in turn, I tend to tell my mom what's going through my brain and then she gets all mother-daughter defensive and thinks the solution to my problems and sometime unhappiness is leaving.  Yeah cause that just solves everything, doesn't it?  Saying I give up and turn and walk away.  That, in my opinion, is not comforting your issues but rather turning your back on them because it's easy or its convenient.

Sure there's times where I wish he'd talk to me more, tell me more so that I don't have to ask questions all the time or find out information from other people because you've neglected to tell me something, sometimes I wish you would comfort me more instead of showing me the "tough love" crap.  Sometimes all I need is just a hug and to be told that it'll be just fine, Lindsay, just take a deep breath and it'll be good. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in this alone, that all I have is myself and my dogs.  But I don't even have them.  He's joked before that if anything were to happen with us, that he'd strongarm me and take the dogs.  Nice, isn't it?  That's totally something I want looming over my head, the mere thought of you taking my dogs away from me.

I don't know what the hell is going on.  Seems like we go through peaks and valleys like this every so often.  I just wish I wasn't so damn negative on myself or so hard on myself.

And for Christ sakes, please let me stop crying at work.  I feel like a fucking idiot.  Sigh.

It's Friday, guess I shouldn't complain should I?  But I will, because all I want to do at the moment is to cry and crawl into bed until spring.


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