Wednesday, November 9, 2011

So today is November 9th.. All week I've been struggling with feelings of sadness and just feeling 'down'.  Well maybe I can attribute that to November 5th being last Saturday.. the anniversary of the death of my father 25 years ago.  Twenty-five years ago.....  That's a lifetime ago.  And every year, it's always the same, it's never easier.  I miss him more than anyone can possibly imagine.  I miss what could have been, I miss having someone to call Dad, to do things with, laugh with... I missed all those things.  And due to the rocky relationship that my step-dad and I had, we never even had a civilized relationship until I hit the age of 19.  So even in that regard, I lost so many years to form a relationship with him.  It wasn't until push came to shove when Mom got sick and I had to sit him down and say enough of the non-sense.  I can't have my mother dying and us not communicating.  And so that's where it started.  Today, it couldn't be better.  Hell, he even walked me down the aisle to J.  Ask me that 10 years ago and I would have said a hell no.

November is usually a sad one for me.  Here I should be celebrating my life, my birthday but I feel guilty when I know in my heart I'm missing the one person that should be there but isn't and cannot be there.  All this week I've been feeling a bit a bit off and now that I think about it, I know why.

Tomorrow I turn 28.  Holy shit, I'm that much closer to 30 now!!! Ahhh!!

What else is new?  Charlie's sporting a cone for his own benefit, he created a hot spot on his back right leg so that's healing.  He got some antibiotics at the vet last week and I think it gave him an allergiv reaction because he's got these tiny bumps all over.  I counted last time 10 and I constantly feel the dogs over for bumps and what not, especially since Baxter had the sabaceous cyst on his back that I had removed back this summer.  It would only make sense if Charlie got these too, because, after all, they share the same DNA with having the same blood parents....So I'm hoping that my not giving him the pills anymore that they simply go away.  We'll see.

Tomorrow, a couple of people at work are taking me to lunch and then tomorrow night we're off to dinner with Mom and Brian.

Next time I write, I'll have to talk about my personal training session story from the gym... Ugh..

Anyways, have a good night.

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