How did we get where we are today? Where did the love, affection, adoration and everything else go? Oh wait, hold on a minute, it's all my fault, remember? I am the creator of everyone's happiness and I am the one that shits on it all. Sorry's don't mean anything anymore. So many awful things have been said by both parties, I don't know if there is any coming back from this.... We treat eachother like shit. We do nothing together. And when we do, we fight like bitches.... Where did this mutual love and respect go? What the fuck has happened with my life? Were both so incredibly unhappy, yet if I make changes, I do everything, maybe then he'll smile, be happy and once again tell me what a wonderful person I am. He's the one person on this planet that doesn't see this good person that everyone else sees. Similarly, he's the one person that everyone sees as being a saint, does everything for people, good, kind etc. etc. But I bring out the exact opposite I suppose. That's why I sometimes think he'd be better off without me. I am nothing but horrible-ness. I truly am a horrible son of a bitch I guess. I've lost myself in ten years... hell, actually, I don't think I've ever found myself. I deserve to be in the gutter where I was chucked decades ago. The only person that has my back is my mom and it's tearing her up seeing me as sad and frustrated and angry that I am...... I am not a religious person but God give me the strength to get through this... This is really killing me inside. If this does not stop, one or both of us is going to have a stroke or heart attack and it's going to be awful.
All I know is that I'm not this big, horrible bad guy. I'm not this horrible person that I've been made out to be. At all... This just sucks donkey balls
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