Day 9 - Take a Photograph of the Town you Live in #26DayBloggingChallenge Robin Williams

This is the view from our condo in the town we live in.  Lots of construction every direction you look in (but I chose to take a pic of the beautiful green trees we see when we look south). The town is a nice place to live, not too far from Toronto but away from the concrete jungle and all the hustle and bustle of the buzzing city. 

I've lived here now for 25 years, having moved from Toronto when I was 5 going on 6 years old.  I work in downtown Toronto so it's nice to come back up home to the suburbs, which is an hour's train ride on the commuter train.

I'm going to copy Jade here with places I'd love to visit:

- Tibet & Nepal
- The Maldives
- India - I would love to do my yoga teacher training at an ashram there
- Grand Canyon, Arizona - Would love to camp out there, to see a sunrise and a sunset
- San Francisco, California
- Um hello, KENYA and Tanzania.  Um yeah obsessed with elephants over here, remember?
- I'd love to go back to Greece and the islands.  I want to show Jeff how beautiful it is.
- the East Coast of Canada (more than just New Brunswick, where we visited Jeff's grandma for 2 days)
- Out West, Canada - Jasper, Banff, Victoria, Tofino
- Turks & Caicos - diving!
- Curacao - diving!
- Namibia - Gorillas!
- Democratic Republic of Congo - maybe one day these places will be safe to travel to
- Brazil
- Peru (Machu Picchu)
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I've been mourning the loss, like the rest of the world, of Robin Williams.  Complete and utter shock.  Okay, maybe not.  He had been in some dark places in his lifetime and of course, like everyone also knew, he had his demons with alcohol and drugs,  but man......I just can't believe it.  I just can't help but wonder just how dark of a place he was in moments before he took his life and just how profound the depth of his sadness and loneliness it must have been for him to not want to live another single day.....It's just so very sad......

Depression is a funny thing (okay not really funny), because it's like this deep, dark and dirty secret we hold onto and hide from those closest to us.  It's easier to smile or laugh then to truly reveal one's self and be completely vulnerable and exposed.  I don't think anyone has a fucking clue what its like unless you've been there in the depths yourself.  I've had thoughts before where I just don't want to live anymore or living is too hard with the pain and sadness.  I've never been at a point where I could physically do the deed, to me that's scary as shit and it's.....permanent.  Life is so bloody precious.  Here one minute and possibly gone the next.  We only get one chance and while at times life sucks and I just want to crawl into a whole and die (like how I felt yesterday), I'm not sure I would ever have the balls to kill myself.  You can feel like the only person on the planet that's suffering and that no one understands or gets it, but there's always, always someone or some place you can reach out to.  I've done it many of times and it's been a useful tool in my life but I guess not everyone feels like they can in fact do that or maybe they don't want to......It's selfish in a sense that it affects every facet of your life and the people within it, but man... How dare anyone comment or criticize someone that's done it and not know where the other person was coming from.  I'm sure nothing about their decision was easy and they felt truly in their heart of hearts that they had no other option or that they couldn't bare the pain any longer.  I get it.  I know many that don't, though.  It is just sad all around any which way you look at it.

If you're feeling stressed or lonely or sad or depressed, please talk to someone.  You never know, that someone may know exactly how you're feeling and been in your shoes before and can help you through those tough moments.  I know when my friend died almost two years ago, although I had known her for about 6 months, I felt robbed of a friendship with her when she died.  She didn't commit suicide but we met through her step-mom when she was going through some really tough times and I was there for her.  I could relate.  I could see me years ago where she stood.  And then one day, it was all taken and she was 20 years old.  Twenty friggin years old and she was gone and in heaven.  She was robbed of a full life.... She was this beautiful, beautiful person that was hurting deeply on the inside but I helped her in her darkest of times.....I'm eternally grateful for the little time I had with her but I'm still sad she's gone.......

Anyways, deep shit today.  That's all......