Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Life and Stress

Man am I ever stressed at work.  I wrote yesterday on my Fb wall:

"After having been in such a beautiful paradise for two weeks, I believe the way we live in North America and this constant "go-go-go" mindset, it is really no place to live. I feel like I've been back for 6 months, not just six days.
Really wanting to be an ex-pat and to give a big FU to life here."
"I don't just want to exist, I want to LIVE. I don't want to cut myself short on an existence I look back on and know I could've done better or more than just existing to earn a pay cheque. It takes a toll. I know there are pros and cons to any country in which you live but I think living more simple is part of it. Ah just tired of this grind. I'm 30 yet some days I feel like I'm 80. Having said that, I take nothing for granted and I'm truly blessed. I know that much is true. "
And so before I went home from work yesterday, Jeff called me and he asked how my day was going.... Well, Jesus, had I known that I have to keep a smile on my face and say nothing and everything is just honky dory, I wouldn't have said shit fuck all.  But, that's not being REAL.  And you know what? I've worked since I was 14 years old, always having anywhere from one to THREE jobs simultaneously.  So what if I have dreams and want to "retire" from this corporate life of hell in ten years?  I'll have 15 years behind me at a "government" and a pension, a Canada pension (small) and RRSPs for when I turn 65.  Who the hell knows if I'll be alive at 65 for Christ sakes.  It seems that every five years I'm burning out on the job, working for crazy insane Bay Street law firms or just busy places where I feel like I'm doing two or three person's jobs, yet we hired an admin late last year to help us out and she doesn't do much of anything other than chat to co-workers for 60% of the day.  Must. Be. Nice.  I know life is what you make of it and all that other jazz but I refuse to just exist in this world and then die.  I want to LIVE and enjoy every single second, travel, contribute meaningful shit to this world, not just paper-push for my entire life.  Even if it means living a more simple life... you know?
So my answer to Jeff's question, "How's your day going?" turned into a brief spat at home last night, which wasn't much fun.  I just hate being told that I complain all the time when that's a complete crock of shit.  So what if I have one bad day a month or every couple of weeks.  I guess I'm just not allowed to feel? and maybe I just need to shut my mouth and pretend.  Yep, because that's healthy..
Sighhhhhhh... Sorry for the rant.  Needed to get that out.


  1. Aww I am so sorry about your bad day - I can completely relate to working from very young and I am also extremely stressed at work.
    Welcome home... might not want to hear that but there you go :(
    Hope things get better and easier love. Here anytime you need to rant. I think its good you don't just fake a mood. If you've had a shit day then Jeff should listen. VOWS.

    1. Hello love! Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it. In some respects I'm happy to be home (my dogs), but in other ways, not so much! C'est la vie. Eventually my time will come where I can leave the corporate world and do fun stuff, like working with animals for the rest of my life. It'll happen, just a matter of when.
      So glad to see you're doing so well, and happy xoxox


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