Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Another day.... another dollar....

So what do you do when your significant other won't talk to you or tell you what's wrong when something is visibly wrong, you're moping and you look like your cat just died?  There's an awkward air around the hubby and I right now and I feel like I'm on pins and needles waiting for the shoe to drop.  Did you discover this blog and think that I air too much dirty laundry?  Are you upset that you barely saw me all weekend (yet also made no attempts to ask me how my days were, how I was - me apologising for being in and out so much)?  are you upset because you've finally had enough?  Are you upset because I pass out because I'm fucking exhausted at NORMAL people hours...you know because we start our days early, I work my ass off at the gym...? What?  Because telling me nothing is wrong just isn't cutting it. 

And you know what's frustrating?  Earlier this year telling me I'm taking too much time off, which I'm paid for btw, but yet you're doing the same day thing all the time?  You take a day off work and that's money out of your pocket.. Sure fine whatever, I don't usually make a big deal out of you staying home but man, why is it excuseable for you to stay home and lose out on money but yet you can complain about me or if I say I'm not feeling well, I get the whole "suck it up buttercup" attitude....It's just not fair.  It's like there are a different set of rules of each of us.

I think I'm just trying to find anything to be frustrated with but it's hard to shake this feeling... I don't know what's going on.  I feel like there's this massive football field of space in between us.  I miss him.  I miss seeing him smile and talk to me genuinely and kindly and interested in my opinions and what my day has been like..... I miss US.  I feel like I find out more of what's going on in his life and his head when I overhear conversations he has with his parents or through emails that I read from his parents or brother....so back to me...what the fuck is wrong with me?  I'm really sick of this tension/stress headache I've had for DAYS now.

I know it's just a rough patch (or perhaps not, if he's finally had an epiphany and decided to leave me), but I feel so alone... there's just so much silence and me running amok with my stupid ass thoughts... I'm just sad... I miss him.  And I love him to pieces.  I'm quick to talk negatively about him but man, I swear this man has made me a better person from the one I once knew at 18 years old.  We go through our share of ups and downs but I'm not liking this down moment we're having one bit.  I miss snuggling with him....

Sigh... this too shall pass.

No comments:

Post a Comment

var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-36821951-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();